Wednesday night-Thursday morning


Crushing hard
Under the Clouds oppressive and unfamiliar weight
The venerable princess moon
Lost it’s edge
Spun backward
To hide behind the weaker light
Of dawn

photo courtesy of:

Tweaked/Original (.t/o.) Est:2020

Saline Solution

I shed my last tear for you

It held no meaning

As I slid down my cheek

I barely remember why I kept it so long

Until I breathed in a lie

You had me believe

Tasting the salt on my lips

Orphaned

Having lost the power to see

Words fell prey to doubt

As my hands reached out

Into the nothingness

And came back filled with the same

Orphaned

My Mom& Me

There is not enough time

In the world

To wish i had loved you more

All the tears that have fallen

Were wasted before today 

As i watched you last night

Slowly pass away

I love you Mom

I will miss you terribly 

The Royalest of Azure, A Modern Day Folk Tale

Once upon a long while ago. Much longer than a clock ticks there was a sky. Blue blue bluer. The most royal of azure blue even when it was midnight.
I wasn’t there then but heard the story of a moment, a conversation in a moment rather and a conversation that helped create the the Earth.
Before there were words there was wind. Before the rain there were clouds. Both never knowing knowing exactly what they or the other was for.
Wind,of course feeling more grandiose due to his ability to to change speed and direction up down and side to side. He often made it very difficult for the cloud.Calling him names. Saying he was and lazy and lacking motivation or structure.
In short they had an impossible relationship..
The cloud would wish every day the big blue vast would come to his aid,after all it was there even before the wind. Mouth the wind never complained or cajoled the Royalest of azure. And it didn’t have a start or finish. So who could say if It wasn’t lazy or had a purpose at all.
Poor cloud,he knew he was just angry at the wind. Just because he couldn’t fathom the Blue Bluer Bluest. Didn’t mean It didn’t give the greatest joy sharing It’s presence. It’s ranging hues and vastness made cloud feel as if It cared for him,just by providing him a home and enveloping him with It’s amazement.
Then the wind would pick up again. Swirling& whirling badgering the cloud. The rhythm of the winds agitation at these times generally sent the cloud into vapors but not this time He determined. Cloud just tried to be like the Blue when midnight. Undefinable, but flawless and flowing. The cloud instead became that blue,cool in it’s depth. The wind utterly confounded began to blow harder,only to see the cloud slip streaming in and out of the tirade. Slowly dividing himself through the winds gale.
The more the wind raged at the clouds insolence the more cloud released his shame and fear pushing it away from himself until he had left the wind to spit and fume which only made clouds wisps shimmer in the flowing night.
But wind would not be appeased,even into the the softening shades that His Royalness slowed to.
Losing his voice and momentum wind’s words couldn’t reach cloud who watched out of reach reeling his ethereal strands into great piles on piles rolling them into gigantic doughy masses filling an inordinate amount of the Blue Bluer Bluest. Becoming self conscious and certainly not wishing to be a space hog cloud sought out the help of wind as he was not hard hearted after all. As cloud finished his request wind’s nodding gently ushered
These new cloud formations through out Its vastness creating even more wonder and beauty across the great expanse.
From that point on wind has learned to whistle another tune and rarely blows a chance to share the sky with cloud holding him in such high esteem that wind is known to die down holding his breath in reverent silence admiring the the many faces and rolls cloud assumes as cloud has learned to listen to the wind as his mood darkens he begins to change his shape and color as warning to all that wind has some how gotten himself into twist and will soon be spiraling out of control..

Dear God,make me A…

A bird so that I may gracefully exit
The hazards of man.
A stone so if I’m ever broken my pebbles may change
The face of the land
Or perhaps the wind God
Whose sound can drown out screams
Lay waste to cities and mountains
Yet at times bring people together
I’d like to be almost anything God
But Human.
Humans don’t seem to be inherently good
Our egos starve our compassion
Outwitted,out done,and out classed.
One reprehensible act met with moral outrage at best leads to greater ratings.
To say with certainty people can change. But not me because I’m right,not them,depending on the uniform I wear.
You see God,if I were a bird
People would morn me. They would spout poetry and sorrow for my passing
More so than each other due to the color of skin
If I were a stone there’d be no feeling to nurture me praise me or hurt me
I would last even to dust in spite of the world around me…
Maybe not God,that seems a bit too human.

An easier softer God

Lately things seem to be a bit sideways. A culmination of everything at once x scary shit + touchy situations is effecting those most meaningful to me these days. The good thing I suppose is that there is a resurgence of faith.
I consider my self in a fairly good spot although I may not subscribe to any 1 major group or belief system.
Call me non committal but what I have chosen to do is find,establish,and cultivate a relationship with a Power greater than myself and expressly of my understanding. Now that may appear to be an easier softer God to many but for now it’s about all my puny human brain can comprehend.
Besides, it allows me the latitude to unsubscribe to guilt and vengeance. I already have a vengeful ex-wife who attempts to master my world and I know how I feel about her,so belief in a vengeful God is definitely out.
I mean come now please..
I don’t buy into all that wrath business. Well maybe some of it,but it’s more of the Universal Justice type stuff.
If I held my God responsible for the actions of man,who would really be to blame any how?
When I was a young man,I was ordained by the laying on of hands, but when the time came for me to hit the ground running I went straight off the porch and directly into a steamy gooey puddle of humanity. That was a choice I made.
Years later I worked the Lakota Prayer Pipe,but I still made the choices I did,more content to wallow in my own doing.
It’s only in the last few years I’ve been able to let a lot of that go,I’m no saint but life has a richer meaning and I didn’t gain that alone.
To quote an anonymous friend,” God doesn’t go where He isn’t invited. And He will not stay where He isn’t wanted”.
My blame lies in me,therefore it is up to me to want to live a better life. But I don’t have to do it alone, either on a temporal or spiritual level.
I don’t need to pound a book to get there,but if that’s what I have to do to stay on course to be a better Dad,Husband,person.. Bring it.
As Thomas Merton says,” I believe that wanting to please You(willingness), in turn pleases You.”
If I can hold myself to this one day at time,or just the moments in between,so be it…
I love you Rosey, be well in your heart and true to your soul. I’m here for you.