A moment of clarity

Yesterday was my kids Mom’s B-Day.
So no visit..
But something rare happened instead.
I wasn’t a mush. On so many days in the past where I didn’t,couldn’t be with my kids I’d be maudlin,depressed,exhausted. With little regard to others in my life who may have needed,wanted to share time with me. Chores undone,love unfelt. All the while I’d wallow in my own misery..
What a tool.. Selfish.. Pitiful..
… Yesterday however,in an effort to “not let the bastards get me down”,I got up and went to work for a few hours. I then went to my Mom’s and picked about 30#’s of these outstanding dwarf green apples. While I was there my little 5 year old Grand Niece came running out to through her arms around my neck and share her hyper-infectious laugh with me. I tell you it would even make your creditors giggle.
After a small amount of convincing she hopped in the car with me as we zoomed off to the Farm House laughing and chatting.
I was determined to follow through with my apple pie plans before I was distracted by something shiny. I got pretty close..
My something shiny turned out to be a really cool 72″ riding mower with those bar/lever steering arms, super cool,only to be swapped out for a weed eater,always big fun. But short lived..
So it was time to peel and prep. Too lazy by now to make pie crust I settled for a cobbler topping. Yum! Needless to say, we wound up with a shloada cobbler,days of yum! Accompanied by fresh peanut butter whipped cream,neither as ambitious or difficult as it may sound,even if I am a professional which is kind of like cheating… All was delicious and well received by the present members of our family,me,Wife,G’niece,KK(step-daughter)& neighborhood friends.
…My point is,as my world and my heart grow to include others whom I love and love me,it’s as unfair to deny them my attention as it is to be denied the company of my kids.
I certainly won’t promise all my M&M absent days will be spent as productively and salivatingly,but with time comes reason,with reason comes perspective,with perspective i can gain acceptance.
Our struggle is far from over,but it doesn’t mean I can’t take comfort and solace in those near me without insulting the love of my children.